I love to make lists. I have my daily to-do lists, my weekly to-do lists and my big-picture, 2020 goals list. Lists give me a sense of control; they help me work out an action plan when I feel overwhelmed. I would say that there’s no problem a list can’t solve, but that sounds square and boring so I won’t.
Anyway, last week, I made a list of all my October deadlines. This is what it looked like. ⬇️
For the first time ever, I didn’t feel a wave of calm and control wash over me as I wrote down the last item. This list, instead, confirmed a feeling that I’ve had for some time now - I need to learn to say no.
As anxious as it made me feel, this monstrosity of a list forced me to reckon with the reasons that got me in this deadline-heavy situation in the first place. Why is it so difficult for me to say no to assignments?
I’ve thought about this question a lot and I’d say it’s a jumble of fears, worries and nonsensical assumptions. It goes a little like this:
I’m so tired. I have to say no. But should I say yes? I have so much work already. But what if everything dries up in January? WHO KNOWS WHAT’S COMING NEXT? ? ? HELLO PANDEMIC ? ? ? If I say no, will I get bad karma? I’m going to create an extra headache for them if I say no and I already have so much freelance guilt. I’m so tired though. This assignment is SUPER URGENT; how will they find someone else if I decline? I can do this tonight. Netflix can wait. But I don’t want to work tonight. But what if I say no and they NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN AND I DIE POOR?
I know, not pretty.
I was curious to know whether this internal monologue at all overlaps with what clients actually think when a freelancer tells them no. So, I asked a friend who regularly commissions work from freelance writers and graphic designers.
His answer was a good little wake-up call. “It’s not the end of the world if a freelancer says no,” he replied dryly as I tried to explain how unique and special my skills are. “We have options.”
OK, but if a freelancer says no, would he contact them again in the future? Of course, he said, a freelancer’s saying no would never be a reason not to reach out to them in the future. “If you just explain why and that you’re sorry, but you have too much work, no-one’s gonna be mad.”
After this very unscientific, one-person survey and a couple conversations with some other mid-career freelancers, I’ve decided to try to say no more often. I’ll concisely explain why I have to decline the assignment, point out that I would love to work with the company in the future and pray that they won’t forget about me.
Perhaps learning to say no is a muscle freelancers have to develop as they progress from the junior to the mid-career stage. Starting out meant saying yes to everything for obvious reasons, but it’s time to let that habit go.
I need to learn to trust that more assignments will follow and that saying ‘no’ isn’t tempting the freelance gods to reign their terror on me. And that seems like something all of us are struggling with at the moment as this pandemic goes on and on. Hoping/having faith that things will work out and resigning ourselves to the things that we have no control over.
I feel like there’s a great, famous quote about this and I would look it up for you, but I have a deadline I need to get to.
Linda
P.S. I would love to hear your thoughts on saying no to clients. Do you struggle with this as well? How exactly do you decline assignments? If you just want to send me an eye-roll emoji, that’s fine too. Get in touch at freelancerthefriendly@gmail.com
What I’m reading, watching, listening to this week:
This video by comedian Stevie Martin about the pain of trying to get paid as a freelancer. I felt seen, I felt heard and I also could not stop laughing.
This New York magazine profile of Ziwe Fumudoh.
Are you a Belgium-based, Dutch-speaking journalist? Please sign this historic petition and tell your friends to do the same before Friday. ⏰ We need better freelance conditions and rates, and more modern accreditation rules. This petition is a first step toward all of those things. More details on how to sign here.
We’re doing our first-ever Friendly Freelancer event on October 20. 👩🏻🤝👩🏽 More info here and you can register here.
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This newsletter was written by Linda A. Thompson, a Belgian freelance journalist who writes about all things law and social injustice. She’s written for Bloomberg Law, Law.com, Deutsche Welle, OZY, International Politics & Society, USA Today, Underpinned, IJNet and Equal Times.
You’ll hear from Selma Franssen in two weeks. Selma is a Dutch freelance journalist living in Brussels. She is the author of Vriendschap in tijden van eenzaamheidand has written for Charlie Magazine, OneWorld, De Morgen, De Standaard, The New Statesman, Bustle, Knack, VPRO, and Newsweek.