In my guilt feelings
What do I carry with me everywhere I go, like a little, invisible Decathlon backpack?
A good day is one where I don’t have to try to land new projects, chase late payments or deal with expenses or invoices. When I can just do the creative work that pays my bills.
The past few weeks I’ve had a lot of bad days. Days spent trying to arrange future assignments, or processing the administrative trail of past assignments. Days when I spent hours doing things that I couldn’t bill to a single client.
When I take a step back and itemise exactly what I did on such a bad day, I always end up realising that I spent little time on Facebook, Whatsapp or Twitter. Instead, I did things that can’t in any way be construed as procrastinating or relaxing. I’m not watching cat videos. I’m replying to emails from professional contacts, researching prospective clients, or trying to come up with new ideas for projects.
So why do I feel so damn guilty at the end of such a day? And how do I nip that feeling in the bud?
A big step forward for me has been a) acknowledging that I feel guilty and b) that any self-employed person has to chase work and has to deal with the red tape that comes with being a freelancer.
Instead of seeing this not-really-work work as unproductive time, I’m trying to see it as an investment I have to make every week to keep my business afloat for the long haul. Using time-tracking tools like Toggl and time management methods like the Pomodoro technique also forces me to acknowledge I’m not at all as unproductive as I think.
That covers my micro, day-to-day guilt, let’s say. There’s also the bigger, macro guilt I carry around with me everywhere I go, like a little, invisible Decathlon backpack. I feel guilty that my professional website has had a “coming soon” landing page for 2,5 years now. I feel guilty that I always have to do a last-minute paperwork sprint in August so my accountant can file my annual tax return instead of dutifully keeping up with this stuff month after month.
Sometimes, I even feel guilty that I’m not freelancing the right way. That I don’t begin my day with an hour-long yoga session (I don’t even do yoga, making this all the more ridiculous), that I don’t take power naps, that I never impulsively go on a mid-week city trip just because I can.
That bigger, more existential freelancer guilt I haven’t figured out at all. It’s why I wasn’t sure whether this was even a good topic for this newsletter.
But the many conversations I’ve had with other freelancers recently have made me realise that I’m not alone with my micro or macro guilt. This is something everyone appears to struggle with from time to time. And it is soothing to acknowledge and talk about it.
So maybe we can crowdsource the answer to this one together? What are your strategies and tricks for dealing with freelancer guilt, micro or macro?
Linda
What I’m reading, watching, listening to this week:
- I can’t for the life of me remember how I discovered it, but this website is golden. It packs lots of resources, tools and reading materials aimed at helping freelancers take better care of their mental health. My personal favourite is the “Manual of Me”, a tool that allows you to create a guide that quickly and simply explains how others can best work with you. I also really enjoy their no-nonsense, practical tone.
- I finally got round to watching Unbelievable. After realising the Netflix mini-series was inspired by an 12,000-word article, of course I had to read said article at three in the morning. You should too. It is superbly written and an extraordinary feat of journalism.
- I was quoted in this write-up of the Freelancers in Belgium Day event, which took place back in February. Many of the speakers and experts were creative freelancers, so it’s well worth a read.
What our readers are saying:
“I also try to share as much information as possible and to help everyone who asks me for advice. A couple years ago I read this book: Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success. That’s when I purposely started paying attention to being a ‘giver’.” Portrait photographer Sarah Van Looy
This newsletter was written by Linda A. Thompson, a Belgian freelance journalist specialised in covering corporate tax and social injustice. She’s written for Bloomberg Law, Deutsche Welle, OZY, International Politics & Society, USA Today and Equal Times.
You’ll hear from Selma Franssen in two weeks. Selma is a Dutch freelance journalist living in Brussels. She is the author of Vriendschap in tijden van eenzaamheid and has written for Charlie Magazine,OneWorld, De Morgen, De Standaard, The New Statesman, Bustle, Knack, VPRO, & Newsweek.