Accepting rejections is fine. Giving up isn't.
Pitching clients is an inevitable part of freelancing and no-one never gets turned down.
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Last week, four of us celebrated a friend’s birthday. The nice thing about corona-mandated small gatherings is that they make it easier to bake something nice for all the guests. I made hummus – a foolproof crowd-pleaser – and Danish carrot buns. But when I removed the buns from the oven, with five minutes to go before I had to leave, they were as small as golf balls. And just as hard.
With my failed buns, I arrived at the party late. I apologised multiple times, but thankfully there were more interesting topics to discuss. One of the guests explained that he was writing a second novel, though he hadn’t yet found a publisher for his first. The birthday girl said that she was trying to persuade a record company to pick up her new music. “I don’t know what to do with all my ideas,” she sighed. “It’s like wanting to whip up something new while all my kitchen cabinets are stuffed with food I haven’t even touched yet. Can I even make new music while I haven’t yet released my previous songs? It almost feels like a waste!”
I recognised their frustration, but I also admired them. Because these two people continued being creative, no matter whether the gatekeepers of popular culture accepted their books and music or not.
Not too long ago, I came up with the idea of writing a book about failing. I had a publisher, but not enough resources to fund the research that the project required. I took out a full week to write a detailed grant application. My application failed. And I never did open the project file after that. I didn’t dare ask for feedback.
If I hadn’t given up after that one rejection and continued working on the book, I probably would have discovered that rejection and failure are not the same thing.
Jia Jang, creator of the DareMe app, thought that his fear of rejection was getting in the way of his desire to create his own company. He decided to seek out rejection, in the hopes that he would become better at dealing with it. At first, he – literally – ran from rejection, until he started asking people why they didn’t want to say ‘yes’ to his requests – from lending him $100, to letting him plant a flower in their garden. That’s how he discovered that rejections are rarely as humiliating as he feared they would be. The people who turned him down were often prepared to discuss or find another alternative. And even if they weren’t, life just carried on. The fear of rejection was often worse than the rejection itself.
Writer Kim Liao is similarly unafraid to look rejection straight in the eye: every year, she tries to collect 100 rejections from editors. In a LitHub article, she explains her reasons for doing so by referring to Art & Fear, a book by David Bales and Ted Orland. In their book, Bales and Orland describe a pottery course where half the students were asked to make as many pots as possible, while the other half was tasked with producing high-quality works. The group whose work would be judged on quantity would get a high grade if they were able to make 20 kilos of pots, while the group who would be judged based on quality only had to create one work, albeit a perfect one. Surprisingly enough, the highest-quality works were created by the group who was judged on quantity.
How does that make sense? Well, these participants had constantly practised, gotten a lot of work done and learnt from their mistakes. The other half was paralysed by the desire for perfection.
The day after the birthday party, I again made buns with the leftover dough. Unfortunately, no-one was around to try them, but this time they were a success. Maybe it’s time I also pulled my rejected writing proposals from the fridge and gave them another go.
I’m curious: how do you handle rejection as a freelancer? Send us an e-mail.
Speak soon,
Selma
What I’m reading, watching, listening to this week:
I’m a fan of the One More Question newsletter! (thanks for the tip, Linda). In a recent edition of this newsletter for writers, journalist Ari Saperstein explains how often he pitches stories before they get commissioned – 15 times on average. Another reason to keep going after rejection.
After reading my previous newsletter about creating the ideal working environment, reader Emilia recommended noisli.com. This website allows you to choose background noise tailoured to the task at hand, whether “creative”, “productive” or “relaxing”. Handy!
For the NewStatesman’s City Metric platform, I wrote about corona emergency measures bringing a 42% decrease in motorized traffic in Brussels. Will inhabitants and policymakers alike discover the joys of cycling?
This newsletter was written by Selma Franssen. Selma is a Dutch freelance journalist living in Brussels. She is the author of Vriendschap in tijden van eenzaamheid and has written for Charlie Magazine, OneWorld, De Morgen, De Standaard, The New Statesman, Bustle, Knack, VPRO and Newsweek.
You’ll hear from Linda A. Thompson in two weeks, a Belgian freelance journalist specialised in covering corporate tax and social injustice. She’s written for Bloomberg Law, Deutsche Welle, OZY, International Politics & Society, USA Today, IJNet, Underpinned and Equal Times.